He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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