So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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