i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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