saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love you.
Bad choice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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