East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
