I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
