He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
