considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
