2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pooping to opera.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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