Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
