I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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