Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
