here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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