Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
