THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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