Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
