remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
