So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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