There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
