I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
