Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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