I just cut my nipple shaving
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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