Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
