It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
