i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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