Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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