She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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