he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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