Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
