i may or may not be watching the land before time
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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