its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
