He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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