she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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