I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
