what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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