Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
