Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
