Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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