You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
As shirtless as possible
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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