Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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