I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
