please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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