why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
