So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram