Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (993) Bad night (1499)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

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  (310): If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels. http://tfl.nu/zmdk
  Replies (10) Good night (1144) Bad night (1568)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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  (631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik
  Replies (94) Good night (11212) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

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  (951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc
  Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (4058)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

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  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
  Replies (81) Good night (2838) Bad night (6245)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7462) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

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  (302): Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children. http://tfl.nu/9yhs
  Replies (3) Good night (2952) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

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  (415): I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/lmmj
  Replies (7) Good night (1235) Bad night (3514)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.

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  (806): For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so. http://tfl.nu/nluj
  Replies (7) Good night (3442) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again

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  (310): Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again http://tfl.nu/9kfj
  Replies (7) Good night (465) Bad night (1305)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug

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  (412): I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug http://tfl.nu/u06h
  Replies (3) Good night (599) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

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  (617): She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/crsc
  Replies (5) Good night (1844) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night

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  (517): The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night http://tfl.nu/871q
  Replies (3) Good night (670) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY

  (618): View more from Illinois

  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  The D is nonnegotable.

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  (952): FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY (618): CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3? (952): The D is nonnegotable. http://tfl.nu/i957
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...

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  (410): When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background... http://tfl.nu/noyn
  Replies (1) Good night (196) Bad night (222)

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