Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.

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(204): you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested. http://tfl.nu/msf1

Replies (13) Good night (5653) Bad night (1088)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.

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(608): I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear. http://tfl.nu/lmzy

Replies (9) Good night (4890) Bad night (1248)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.

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(304): I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn. http://tfl.nu/xmj5

Replies (10) Good night (6387) Bad night (1459)
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(315): View more from New York

I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in

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(315): I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in http://tfl.nu/b3qn

Replies (15) Good night (7442) Bad night (1167)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.

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(505): Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking. http://tfl.nu/b01w

Replies (37) Good night (1402) Bad night (5321)
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(251): View more from Alabama

When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

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(251): When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail? http://tfl.nu/evev

Replies (7) Good night (2950) Bad night (970)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.

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(724): They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now. http://tfl.nu/wmrg

Replies (7) Good night (2095) Bad night (737)
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(714): View more from California

You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.

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(714): You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus. http://tfl.nu/3jtv

Replies (2) Good night (1662) Bad night (606)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.

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(609): The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit. http://tfl.nu/al9k

Replies (6) Good night (545) Bad night (1352)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.

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(617): Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane. http://tfl.nu/ph9r

Replies (11) Good night (3799) Bad night (656)
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(562): View more from California

New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips

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(562): New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips http://tfl.nu/8ne3

Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (499)
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(817): View more from Texas

Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

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(817): Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window." http://tfl.nu/43ug

Replies (10) Good night (2088) Bad night (574)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him

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(704): i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him http://tfl.nu/hqgs

Replies (1) Good night (814) Bad night (403)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.

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(901): Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department. http://tfl.nu/zcc1

Replies (4) Good night (704) Bad night (410)
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(872): View more from Illinois

i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

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(872): i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going. http://tfl.nu/c51c

Replies (4) Good night (868) Bad night (247)

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