so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!