I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.