Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.