So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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