Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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