Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
