Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
