I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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