After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
