God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
