Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
