I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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