dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
