This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
