i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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