Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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