It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
