Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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