Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
