so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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