There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
