so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
