We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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