I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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