So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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