I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I could make wine with my vomit
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
