even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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