Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
