Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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