the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
