I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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