Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
