i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
