That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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